Thursday, June 16, 2005
~ Just an update... ~
11:41:00 pm
Alright... At this point in time, as I'm typing this, my stomach is churning in such a weird way that I feel as though the stomach contents will be pushed up through my oesophagus and out of my throat at any time... In simpler terms, I really feel like vomiting... Over-ate? I don't think so... All I had for dinner was Black Pepper Beef on Hotplate, some fruits and an Ice Jelly Cocktail... That's not a lot right? Although yeah, I did not take my breakfast and lunch...
Sometimes I wonder... Am I having some minor eating disorder? Why do I say that? Cuz there are days when I just don't eat... Don't eat as in I really do not have proper meals for the day... There was even once when I did not even eat, not until 11.55pm and the reason I ate was because my mum had scolded me for not eating...
And as a result, I hardly eat much these days... I can practically skip breakfast and lunch, and then have an early dinner... And that's it for my day's meal... Bad huh? Actually I've realised my bad eating pattern for a long time but I did nothing much to it... But I guess yesterday was the turning point...
Germac commented that my collar bones were getting too visible... Way too visible... Even my mum said so...
And my
Hb level was normal but just a little on the low side... 12.0... Anything below than that, I can't donate my blood already... But I still did... Just wanted to feel the satisfaction... As a result, I got really, really tired, lethargic and sleepy... And even after my meal, I still felt the same way...
What's the point of being thin when you're actually not healthy at all? Yes, I love being thin cuz it just makes me look and feel good... I can fit into clothes' size... But at the expense of my health?? Maybe I should start changing my eating pattern...
But then again, moods can really affect my eating pattern too... *Hmm*... I'm such a complicated person... *Sigh*...
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Lately, I've been having lots of nightmares... I seldom have dreams, so what's more nightmares... Honestly, I don't remember much of them but I just don't like the feeling... Cuz each time I wake up, I would be in tears and my nose will be blocked... Just hate it...
written, NaDiaH eRNiYaNTi
